Be it known to all persons who may venture upon these pages:

WHEREAS, our most distinguished consulting establishment feels compelled by modern considerations to make certain clarifications regarding the nature of our enterprise;

We hereby declare and affirm:

This establishment, "Need A Gay," being a company of respectable character and virtuous intent, must emphasize with utmost clarity that we are NOT:

• A service for arranging intimate acquaintances

• An establishment for matters of physical congress

• A bureau of romantic introductions

• A provider of medical or psychological counsel

Our offerings consist purely of aesthetic suggestions and social observations, delivered with the levity and wit characteristic of our particular persuasion. Any counsel provided should be regarded as mere parlor conversation, rather than professional direction.

We possess neither credentials in the healing arts nor certificates in matters of the mind, and make no claims to such qualifications. Our commentary springs solely from personal observation and inherited wisdom.

Should you wish to make inquiry regarding our services, you may dispatch your correspondence via the modern electrical mail system (though we do maintain a fondness for the telegraph, alas, times do change).

With utmost propriety and deepest regard,

The Management

P.S. Our solicitors (who, we confess, exist merely in theory) insisted upon these declarations, and we, being of good humor, have obliged them.